Just Wait Until You See Our Self-Help Book

We loves us some New Year's, Author-friends; it's our second-favorite holiday (after our birthday, obvs). We love fireworks, silly parties, champagne, running around at midnight shrieking, and we love, love, love making New Year's Resolutions. We write up an exhaustive list, type them out on fancy paper with our beloved seafoam green Coronado, tape them up on our wall, and forget about them immediately. Last year's resolutions are right next to our "No Mercy" stencil a few feet above our head as we type this, where they have been hanging for the last year, and we could not for the life of us tell you what they are (although "be less hateful" is an annual favorite, which is obviously working out for us really well).

So THIS year we decided to do something new. We are giving our Resolutions a dry run in the month of December, to test them out for the new year and make sure they're going to work out for us. Rather than lay about all month in a torpid state of boozy indolence, promising ourself that Next Year Will be Different, and then encountering the massive shock of industry and Turned-Over Leaves in the frigid early weeks of January, we are ON IT RIGHT NOW.

What does this have to do with you, little ones? Well, why don't you try it? For the next 20* days or so be VERY VERY FIRM. Let us say, hypothetically, you are planning to Resolve on writing every day next year, even if it's only for a little bit. What better month to commit to your Art than this one? If you can manage to write every day in December, a month notorious for its spectacular eruptions of familial crises, general meltdowns, and orgies of consumption,** then you can do it all next year, no probs. How about it, Author-friends? You with us?

IN TOTALLY UNRELATED NEWS today we are feeling quite displeased with the voters of Switzerland and the state of New York. KNOCK IT OFF, ASSHATS! In the immortal words of Rachel Zoe, that shit is literally, like, giving us a heart attack inside our body. GAH.

*You may have the week of the holiday you celebrate off, as a reward.

**You don't HAVE to buy a bunch of crap or eat a bunch of weird stuff, you know. Just saying.