Vampire Fashion Week!

It's FASHION WEEK, Author-friends! A very excellent excuse to talk about FASHIONS, which is right up there with Taking Money Away From Rich People, Armed Revolution, and Overthrowing the Man on our list of Favorite Conversation Topics! And you know what YOU like to talk about, dear ones, is VAMPIRES. VAMPIRES VAMPIRES VAMPIRES. So why don't we meet halfway and talk about VAMPIRE FASHIONS.

Because honestly, moppets, the vampire fashions we are seeing are totally not cutting the mustard. If we have to read one more "His soft green T-shirt and glitter body spray perfectly set off his emerald-green eyes which gazed deeply into mine as his firmly muscled chest heaved with passi ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ SORRY WHAT WAS THAT WE FELL ASLEEP. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. Vampires are, like, mad loaded, centuries old, and really really gay;* do you truly expect us to believe they are repeating the tenth grade eternally** in the spring Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue? NO THEY ARE NOT, and if they are, they sure as hell don't deserve a book written about them. So LOOK AND LEARN, LITTLE ONES. If anyone is feeling super generous and would like to send us any of the below items we would not say no.

Here we have some nice looks from Ann Demeulemeester, favorite of vampires and discerning goths everywhere:

Rad Hourani solves the eternal (ha, ha) vampire problem of looking cool in hot weather:

A little Rick Owens, for when all-black ensembles get dreary (as if they ever could! But not everyone lives in New York, we realize):

Rick Owens is in fact so beloved by the bloodthirsty that real live vampires walk in his shows:

Some Gareth Pugh (because if vampires can't wear feather vests as shirts WHO CAN):

And lastly here is wee Gareth himself, modeling a nice dressed-down daily look for the sensible vampire:

It is possible we are partial to this last because it is the outfit we ourself can be found in 98.3% of the time, but whatevs. Now! back to your novels, little creatures! And don't send us any more frumpy goddamn undead!

*If you have another explanation for why the only folks getting the big love bite are eighteen-year-old manmorsels, we're all ears.

**For reals, people, come on. No matter how bored we get we are not going to find revisiting pre-algebra larkish. You want hot vampy-Lolita action, find another conceit besides vampster heading back to high school "for the fun of it."