SCENE: A bar. REJECTIONIST and SUPPORT TEAM are enjoying happy hour with A FRIEND and her HANDSOME FRENCH SEA-CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND.
HANDSOME FRENCH SEA-CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND: (Lights Marlboro) ...because if you want to go 'unting, you must have the correct infrastructure? Eet is best to have a friend with a castell, and two 'undred dogs, and twenty 'orses, and you chase aftehhrrr ze beast, and ze beast ees torn to pieces--
FRIEND: (Interrupting rapidly) So! Rejectionist, what have you been up to? How is your book?
REJECTIONIST: (Delivers long boring monologue re: first book, second book, freelance activities, etc.)
FRIEND: You wrote a book! How exciting!
REJECTIONIST: Yes! Very exciting! I wrote a book! Just like a real writer! A writer of real books!
FRIEND: Does it have vampires in it?
HANDSOME FRENCH SEA-CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND: (Lights Marlboro)
REJECTIONIST: NO THERE ARE NOT ANY VAMPIRES MY BOOK IS NOT ABOUT VAMPIRES PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME MY BOOK WOULD MAKE MORE MONEY IF THERE WERE VAMPIRES IN IT I HAVE HEARD THAT FIFTEEN TIMES THIS WEEK ALREADY I AM GOING TO BE AN ACCOUNTANT AN ACCOUNTANT I AM GOING TO BE AN ACCOUNTANT AND NO ONE WILL EVER ASK ME ABOUT VAMPIRES AGAIN (Begins to weep)
SUPPORT TEAM: (Interrupting rapidly) So! Do you have Twilight in France?
HANDSOME FRENCH SEA-CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND: (Lights Marlboro) Yes, we have zees film, but eet is for teenagehhhhrrrrs, no?
FRIEND: There are books, too. But here adults and teenagers like them.
HANDSOME FRENCH SEA-CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND: (Lights Marlboro) Of course in Amehhhrrrrrica adults behave zees way, but we don't do such a thing in Fhhhrrrahnce.
REJECTIONIST: (Sobs, downs beer)
SUPPORT TEAM: Have you seen the movie?
HANDOME FRENCH SEA-CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND: (Lights Marlboro) Pfffffttttt! (Makes disgusted French noise, purses lips in a French manner)
FRIEND: I've heard they aren't very good.
HANDSOME FRENCH SEA-CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND: (Lights Marlboro) I don't like zees vampire. 'E is like Justin Biebehhhhrrrr, only a leetle oldehhhhhrrrrr, no?
SUPPORT TEAM: How old is Justin Bieber?
HANDSOME FRENCH SEA-CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND: (Lights Marlboro) 'E is twelve?
REJECTIONIST: (Sniffling) I think he's like twenty-five?
FRIEND: No, he's definitely fifteen.
SUPPORT TEAM: Thirty? (Looks up age of Justin Bieber on iPhone) Oh, seventeen.
REJECTIONIST: Vampires... vampires... (REJECTIONIST begins to sob again. SUPPORT TEAM makes soothing noises and gently pets the REJECTIONIST's back in a loving manner. HANDSOME FRENCH SEA-CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND lights a Marlboro. Another round is served.)