Happy International Raistlin Majere Day!!!!!

So one embarrassing thing that can happen to a person is inventing a holiday and then completely forgetting said holiday, which is why I must thank the delightful Karen Mahoney for remembering that today is INTERNATIONAL RAISTLIN MAJERE DAY!!!!! (BUY HER BOOKS! You can also PRE-ORDER MINE, just saying.) Today someone at my day job told me that I am “always happy,” so clearly I am not doing a very good job of celebrating a day devoted to honoring everyone’s favorite sneery glam-goth passive-aggressive Machiavellian superpower, but I will try to blow something up/summon a dark goddess later on in the afternoon to counterbalance this apparently successful impersonation of a chipper and content Assistant. In past years I have spent some time compiling thorough lists of suggested activities for International Raistlin Majere Day, but your humble servant is presently on the verge of collapsing under her own to-do list, so rather than produce exciting and innovative festivities I shall reprint here the inaugural post from the very first International Raistlin Majere Day (est. 2010), with one amendment. Happy International Raistlin Majere Day, Author-friends!

xoxo sarah


1. Drink some bitter, smelly tea! Dandelion root, burdock, and astragalus are all quite rank, and have the additional benefit of being good for your liver.

2. Sneer. A lot. If you have to, practice your sneer in the bathroom until it's really terrifying.

3. Put yourself first. All day. Would Raistlin eat the last cookie at the staff meeting? YES HE WOULD.

4. Be generous to someone less fortunate. Remember, Raistlin showed great kindness to the humble and unloved gully-dwarf Bupu! Even the meanest among us can secretly harbor boundless love!

5. Be smarter than everyone else all day. Carry around books no one at your workplace will understand [Actually, I am presently reading Godel, Escher, Bach, which I barely understand, so perhaps I am doing an adequate job of celebrating International Raistlin Majere day after all. --ed.]. Make exasperated noises a lot and stomp off when people say things you find displeasing.

6. Quietly but ruthlessly mock jocks and people who are more attractive than you. Tell them you can see what they'll look like when they're really old and hideously ugly. Stare at them until they become uncomfortable and look away, then laugh.

7. Make whispered pronouncements in a dead language. Say things like "I must travel roads that will be dark and dangerous before the end of my long journey" while looking very solemn.

8. Go home and change into a red bathrobe. Hang out looking sinister. Throw fireballs at your enemies.